I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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