i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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