Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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