I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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