There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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