thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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