I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
