im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
