Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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