During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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