since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Let's paint friendship bongs
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
