There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
