OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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