dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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