Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
