i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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