I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he fucked my hip out of place.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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