You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish you could order shots online.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
