Whod you bang
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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