Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
