it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
