My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
