walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
