fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
