This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
