no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
