Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
