Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I need moral support for this bender
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
