he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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