So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
