When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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