Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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