In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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