Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am one with the molecules
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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