He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
