Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
