We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize