Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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