I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
