somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need a beard to bite.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
