I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
