Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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