My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
