you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
