But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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