So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ugly people sure do ruin things
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
