people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize