Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
