So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
sex in a hospital.. check
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
