I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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