chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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