if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
