so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
