Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
