guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
