3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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