i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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