I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
