I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
