I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
