the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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