Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
