What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
