Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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