i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
