are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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