the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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