My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
