so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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