At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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