shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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