did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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