Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ladies don't puke and tell
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
