News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize