It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
