Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
