I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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