I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
