Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
