At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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