masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
