she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
