she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's no shave November. This is our time.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
