drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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