When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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