You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
