I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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