Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
