i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i think i have two assholes
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize