so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
