Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
