all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
