So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
