Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
