I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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