Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
