if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
