the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
