Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
