I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
